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Wednesday, November 1, 2017

NOSE WARMER

Every time Gregg the 6th grade bully would punch me in the face, the gushing blood would always make my nose warmer.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

POINT OF NO RETURN

The halfway point in a geometry test when you realize you don't know what you're doing and starting over won't help.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Sunday, September 24, 2017

SCAM ARTIST

The only artist that ever makes money in their lifetime.  The only artist that ever gets paid.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

BED WARMER

When the kerosine heater you have next to your bed catches the pizza boxes under your bed on fire then, you have a "Bed Warmer."

Sunday, September 3, 2017

CORAL REEF

The smell of the bathroom the day after the family went out for seafood dinner.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

AGE OF KALI

The day the owner's  19 year old son implemented a new dress code.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

THE PUB ADJUSTMENT

Workey, workey everyday,
Till I rest my bones in the cold red clay,
I'm a working slob,
Who hates his job,
But, the pub whisks my hatred away.

BEASTIES

Wild, unpredictable and destructive creatures also known as nephews and nieces.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

PIZZA COUPONS

A form of currency used by poor people living in Michigan.  I use pizza coupons to pay my parking fines. Also:  pizza coupons nice to put in birthday cards or can be used as stocking stuffers.

Monday, July 24, 2017

NO RETURNS ALLOWED

The sign posted at the restaurant I frequent where they serve raw fish.

WIDE NOODLES

Description of scientists gathered at a symposium on the theory of a multiverse.

POST NASAL DRIP

The name people used for my skinny brother in grade school.  He was skinny as a post and his nose was always running.

AIR BUS

What the paper called my Volkswagen camper when I drove it off the side of Mt. Hood.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

FISH FRY

When my tuna casserole falls apart and I decide to dunk it in some grease and have a "fish fry."

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Sunday, April 23, 2017

CAPITALIST

One who writes in all capital letters when addressing friends on social media.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

POP CULTURE

A culture dominated by men with children.  A culture in which a man wearing a sleeveless hard, sweat filled white t-shirt, dirty faded blue jeans with holes and scuffed boots is considered well dressed.  

Sunday, April 9, 2017

FASCIST

Someone who always leaves spelling and grammar critiques on social media posts.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

COMMUNIST

Someone who hits the "Flag" button on every post on social media

Sunday, March 26, 2017

POST DRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER

The physiological and psychological reaction an actor has after said actor realizes how badly they flubbed their lines at the local community theater production of Oklahoma.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

MALE PATTERN BALDNESS

What ultimately happens to guys drinking too much beer at deer camp and then sitting  down to close to the campfire.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

LEGACY

Definition:  What one leaves behind.  Example: after eating blackberries all day a  bear will leave a large pile of "legacy" behind.

Sunday, February 26, 2017

SOCIALIST

One who always hits the "Like" button on every post on social media.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sunday, February 12, 2017

FOREST

Thick, tall growth often found in the ears and noses of men over 50.  Many forms of wildlife live in forests including insects, bunnies and bears.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Sunday, January 29, 2017

BILLIONAIRE

The kid in preschool who the teacher observed, "Does not like to share with others."

Sunday, January 22, 2017

GRIT

A food item eaten by someone so poor that they cannot afford more than one (Grits).

Sunday, January 8, 2017

COLLECTING SPECIMENS

The definition of this phrase is best left to the imagination; or maybe not. 

Sunday, January 1, 2017